Ideally how often should I query the AES for information? Is a request every 1 ms ok or too much. Should it be every 10 ms? How many requests per ms will keep the AES sane?

requests for what (what API method)? through what API? what other load (applications) is on AE Services? How many AE Services servers's are connected to Communication Manager? What is the call load/occupancy on Communication Manager?

The general guidelines are no more than 10 outstanding requests at a time. but even then that can create issues depending on the nature of the applications connected to AE Services; you can have 4000 separate DMCC sessions connected and 2500 separate TSAPI sessions per AE Services server. And from there you can have up to 16 AE Services server connected to a single Communication Manager. So you would not want every application to have 10 outstanding requests.

Between AE Services and Communication Manager there is a limit of 2000 messages per second in each direction.... so the limiting factor becomes the 2000 messages Communication Manager can send (aggregated across 16 AE Services servers).

Each field site is different, each application mix is different; the load on Communication Manager varies. There is not one answer that works universally unless you are willing to wait for a response before sending the next request.

And for DMCC registrations, the guideline is no more than 10 in 10 seconds.

That pretty much answers my question, thanks for the prompt response.